Robin Sieger Blog

I was faced with a challenge recently and was procrastinating regards making a swift choice. Too often we try to think a problem through, when our original response is probably the right one. So I started weighing up the pros and cons, the upside of a good outcome and compared it with the downside of a bad outcome.

I imagine it is a scenario you are familiar with, what we tend to do is ignore our initial almost intuitive response, which from my experience is almost always right. Because the brain has computed all the outcomes and selected for you the one which feels right for you.

As a result of this over thinking the outcomes, I found myself unable to make a choice I would be happy with, and the result was the opportunity passed. I concluded that having been unable to choose quickly as I usually do, I had allowed uncertainty to creep into my thinking which in turn affected my confidence in making a choice I was positive about.

It reminded me of the story told about the young Indian brave, who says to father, the chief of the tribe, that in his hearts are two wolves fighting for control of his heart, one wolf is good and the other wolf is evil. The young Indian asked his father, which wolf would ultimately win control of his heart, and the father replied, "The one you feed the most".

I have learnt my lesson, to trust my instinct and not to feed doubt over certainty, which had been my first reaction.

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There are in business, qualities which are universally admired; entrepreneurship, sales ability, the art of negotiation, networking and many others. In the world of the business book and the sound bite, themes come and go, some resonate better than others. Every couple of years a landmark book comes along that breaks the mould, it takes a different view of our perspective on business.

Leadership has been probably one of the most popular using analogies from sport, with many famous players and award winning managers telling us how to do it their way and success is sure to follow. Also from the world of adventure and exploration we can read about the challenges facing those heroic souls pitting themselves against the unknown, being led with unquestioning faith. Military history has also always been a rich source of management/leadership thinking. The Art of War has been standard text for many managers.

It crossed my mind recently that there are no management books based on kindness. The Kind Manager, The Art of Kind Leadership or Executive Kindness. I guess those of us who write books do not feel it is a powerful word, it lacks bite. I have no doubt the marketing folk at my publishers would fall off their seats, if I included the word 'kind', in a business publication.

It would be erroneous to conclude that kindness has no place in business, however it would be accurate to assume, it is a word we resist, as it tastes of weakness and in a dog eat dog world is a quality that will be exploited.

So as a manager or a leader we generally would prefer to be known as tough, shrewd, wise and efficient, rather than nice, kind, easy going and fun. However when I look back at the managers for whom I gave 110% they were the latter, not the former.

I have known managers who were bullies, insecure and obsessed with command and control, they never praised anyone, under the belief "Well that's what we’re paying you for", they subtly threatened staff with a culture of fear based on various uncomfortable outcomes, they were incapable of motivating their staff, and worst of all I would hear them say "I have 40 people who work for me". The reason it was the worst they could say, is because they were egomaniacs, deluding themselves that the staff worked for them and not the wage slip at the end of the week. Rather than say "I head a team of 40 staff", they have to build themselves up through suggested importance.

The managers who were nice, kind, easy going and fun, were no pushovers, they were tough too. They were result driven. Rather than bully, they encouraged. Rather than threaten unemployment, they focussed on the rewards of success, they were one of the team, but we all knew where the line in the sand was drawn. A mutual respect was observed. When push came to shove, we would put in the extra shift, not for the money, but to not let our team member down.

Twenty, and even thirty years on I can still recall the managers I loved and the managers I hated, strong emotions I know, but the way you make people feel is never forgotten.

You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out the ones I loved were kind. The others …the tough bullies, I remember for all the wrong reason.

As leaders, managers or self employed individuals we all have a choice in the creation of who we are and who we become. I think to be respected professionally, has nothing to do with title rank or status, but everything to do with how you treat others, conduct yourself and deliver on the promise.

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I recently read a book, How To Get Rich by Felix Dennis, which I would thoroughly recommend to anyone who is seriously keen to make a personal fortune. I like to read biographies, and though this book is not him telling his life story, it is the story of how he became one of the wealthiest self made businessmen in the UK. From a position of no capital, he founded one of the most successful publishing empires.

He has a very easy to read and understand writing style, and holds strong opinions that he expresses throughout the book. Additionally he has no time for authors of self help books (which would include me) who he feels gives advice on matters of which the authors have no personal experience, in this case making a fortune.

I have never written about how to make money, or the topic of financial prosperity, though I can understand his frustration with all these self help gurus, who repeat what they have read, heard or been taught by others, then pass it on as their wisdom or experience. Which is why Felix’s book is so engaging. It is about the do's the don't's and pulls no punches in telling with no holds barred, what it will take in terms of hard word, pain, failure, the loss of friends, frustration and the ever present possibility of financial ruin.

He also explains why so very few people from a standing start ever do become seriously wealthy. I found myself nodding in agreement throughout the book. I don’t have the space to highlight the key points he makes, but will share a few that resonated with me.

The quality he put the greatest value on I felt was self-belief. That you have to believe in yourself and your capacity to succeed whatever happens. To have an unshakeable faith that you will make it. You can see it with the world-class champions who dominate their sports; Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Lance Armstrong. Business people who would make it whatever industry they had entered; Richard Branson, Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. These people have a belief that will enable them to overcome hurdles that we would probably stare at and say "No way through there" and give up.

I hope not, I hope you really believe that you can achieve your personal goals, and not pay lip service to them. So it is good to reflect on what we want to achieve in our lives and make sure they are not wishes we pay lip service to, but rather they are real goals that we believe in and act upon.

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My godson Charlie is 9 years of age, and in the past year I have noticed some remarkable changes in him. He has developed firm opinions of his own, which I am pretty sure I didn’t have until much later in life, in fact I think there are still a few issues where I sit on the fence, or profess to have no opinion.

Charlie knows what clothes he likes, (I still dress like a 22 year old post graduate student doing a liberal arts degree). He has a very keen sense of the music he digs, (I have a collection ranging from a Zulu choir to 1930’s French ballads).

He likes Manchester United though he is from London because he likes the way they play, I nominally support Glasgow Celtic because I come from Glasgow and most of my friends were keen supporters. So in my book Charlie has learnt to think for himself, choose his own path and do his own thing. I am expecting great things of Charlie.

About three months ago when I was having supper with his parents and brother and sister, I casually mentioned in passing, God for some reason, it was not in relation to religion, spirituality or indeed about faith, just the word came up in conversation. Charlie remarked, "I don't believe in God". "Really?" I said, "Why not?" as I was curious as to his logic. Before he replied his sister Rachel remarked, "I think it is just a story, I don't believe in God, I think it is silly".

I have had many people over the years share their faith or atheism with me, and ultimately it is a personal matter. It is only important to the individual and as long as they don't try to force upon you their way as the only way, then what they believe is fine. I have seen too many children influenced by their parents into not thinking for themselves, into accepting without questioning, what their parents believe.

I met up with Charlie recently in Spain where he was on holiday with his family. I jokingly asked him if he believed in God since we last spoke. He said with the same casual manner that he didn’t believe in God, to which I then asked, "Well what do you believe Charlie?" He looked somewhat bemused, and I was not posing the question as a deep philosophical puzzle to confuse him. He didn’t have an answer, so I told him that we all believe in something, and it is good to find out what that something is. He gave me a wonderful look, as though to say 'Hey give me a break I am only 9!'

I am sure in the future he will tell me and I look forward to hearing what he has to say, because I expect great things of Charlie.

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During my summer vacation. I went to a farmhouse in the north west of Scotland near a place called Loch Carron, you can look it up in Google Earth – very remote. A picnic was organised up in the mountains by a loch (which is a Scottish word for lake).

Some of the party had taken their fly fishing rods as there were brown trout in it. The obvious question, is how did the brown trout find their way into a loch 2000 feet above sea level into which no stream or river flows to the sea, either?

The puzzle, is no puzzle really, about 150 years ago they were introduced to these small lochs by some landowners to introduce some sport for their guests.

So out in a small boat we went and a few trout were caught. I was surprised how small they all were. I had been told that the small ones we keep, any big ones we were to throw back. It turns out that as the loch became overpopulated the resources for the fish became more scarce, and the size of the fish declined accordingly.

In some ways it can be like the market place, as competition increases, the margins fall, competition increases and the whole system becomes overburdened.

The fishing trip made me realize that unlike the fish we are not trapped by the physical limitation of the small loch in the mountain, and yet irrespective of the limited business situation or indeed life situation we find ourselves in we rarely change it.

It is for all its insecurities a place that feels safe due to its familiarity, and it is what we know, and that is the trap that makes us think we should stick with it, when in reality we should go in search of another wee loch to fish.

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How do you see the world? Through rose tinted glasses where everything is wonderful, even though more likely than not you are being somewhat delusional? As it is often the reality, ignoring reality, doesn’t fix reality. Or do you see the world through dark glasses?

Do you look for the problems or the reasons to find fault in others? Do you have a negative slant on every endeavour in relation to its future outcome.

It is easy to metaphorically wear dark glasses and everything you see will be darker than it really is. The problem as I see it is, many people who are pessimistic about the future, and the present moment, will always justify their viewpoint by giving evidence of what they have seen and experienced. A person with low self esteem and feelings of unworthiness will assume people will not like them, so when they meet a new person they will project onto them their expectations - the expectation that this person will not like them. So after the meeting if you say how did you get on with Fred? They will tell you, "Oh Fred didn't like me". If you ask them how can they tell? They will mention something they said, their body language, or the fact that they were looking around the room, in fact if there is no evidence (as there frequently isn't), they have to invent it.

The reason is they are only seeing and hearing what they want, in order to validate their expectation. The reason for this is due to the dark glasses they are only seeing half the picture. They see it darker than it is, they ignore what they don’t want to see.

I have met people who without doubt are bigoted individuals with a strong sense of their superior importance, in a racial context. They think that ethnically they are better than a person of another race. When they have met a kind, interesting and pleasant person from another ethnic origin, they refer to the person later by their ethnicity and not their name, and due to their blindness cannot see where their blindness has led them. They may say, "He was nice for an Indian". It is frustrating beyond belief that a law does not exist that allows us to give them a custard pie in the face as a timely reminder of their blindness.

The real problem is they don't know they are wearing them, because they've never taken them off. Have a check now to see if yours are in your suitcase awaiting your sunshine vacation.

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Many books and lectures have explored the notion of happiness. I think happiness like love does not deconstruct. It is present or it is not present, however I do believe that as we are all different, then it stands to reason different things make people happy.

I have talked about no second guessing yourself when you make a choice, I also believe that much personal unhappiness, is based on one principle idea, which is many people and I include myself, at times make our happiness conditional. We will say "I'll be happy when I get a pay increase", "I'll be happy if I get my offer on that house accepted", "if I find true love,… when I lose 20 pounds…" and the reasons go on.

Research into happy people has concluded they have these traits in common:

· Have high self-esteem

· Be optimistic, outgoing, and agreeable

· Have close friendships or a satisfying marriage

· Have work and leisure that engages them

· Have a meaningful religious faith

· Sleep well and exercise

It also added that happiness had nothing to do with:

· Age

· Gender

· Education levels

· Parenthood (having children or not)

· Physical attractiveness

So it would appear to me that what we think and more critically what we believe, is going to be the key factor in determining our capacity to be happy. I do not seek to dumb down or make it an ultra quick fix, but I want you to understand that we all have the capacity to be happy. The Happy Factor is within us all. Certainly we will have bad hair days, and life will deal us a negative experience, being happy is not walking through life, laughing like a clown on espresso, rather it is the knowledge that we have the capacity to be happy, and seek to experience it, without external conditions being met, rather on having a positive attitude and believing that the most important relationship we ever have in our lives is with ourselves. So high self esteem is a choice, we can choose to like, believe and respect ourselves regardless of our background, and that is a choice I hope you make, and act on immediately. All you have to do is 'to love yourself for who you are'.

It is that simple!

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I was asked at a supper recently if I believed in heaven. Now this is a question that I have thought about in the past and generally have not given too much thought to my answer, as I repeat what I was taught as a child, which was that when I died I would go to heaven. It was part of my religious heritage, and I was taught those traditions and ceremonies, so when I was asked the other night if I believed in heaven, I hesitated, and said I believe in something but exactly what that is I don’t know, and whatever it is I am sure will be fine.

This well thought out and vague rationale seemed to spark off a very lively discussion around the table.

Someone told me that they had no doubt that heaven existed and that it would be perfect, and went on to give a very detailed description of a heaven that was like earth only perfect in every way. The discussion continued and soon the range of beliefs were being explored, no one was insisting that they were right, but I imagine everyone was quietly confident that their belief was closer to the truth than the others.

It was a stimulating conversation, and though the beliefs around the table differed there was one point everyone could agree on. That point was, not important that we shove our beliefs down someone else's throat (metaphorically speaking) insisting we are right and being deaf to their protestations, rather that we accept other points of view, because in the final analysis no one knew for certain if their heaven exists or not, because what was important to them was that their faith was more important than any argument that may be presented.

It appears to me that in life and business the need to be right gets in the way of understanding, gets in the way of reason, and has led to many bad choices being made. I have sat in on many meetings where I witness someone hijacking the issues to insist that their way is the only way, their need to be always right (which I see as sure sign of insecurity and vanity) gets in the way of reason, logic and often the truth. It is worth examining the facts in every situation, and if need be examine our need always to be right.

I know people who will tell me with some degree of pride that they never lose an argument. Indeed I know people who will tell you they have never lost an argument, without exception they are protecting fragile ego’s, they have high opinions of themselves, so in their minds should they lose an argument, then people will think they are stupid, which is something they will not allow to happen.

So as we sat around discussing heaven, it was refreshing that no one was insistent that they were right, or more importantly that others were wrong.

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With so much information, internet spam, newsletters and blogs it is very easy to skip most of it, or have it all mold into one mass of information that feels of little immediate value to us.

I am aware of this when I write my blog, if I have nothing to say I tend not to write. Rather than seeing it exclusively as a marketing tool I use it to keep in touch with those who have subscribed.

I recently received a newsletter (to which I subscribe) which I loved so much that I wrote to the author and asked if I could reprint it and he kindly agreed.

He wrote to me once after hearing me speak, and then sent me a book, telling his story. As an 18 year old, a drunk driver smashed into his car, and blinded him for life. I don’t say this to encourage you to pull out the handkerchiefs, rather to put who he is in context regards his life experience.

With his permission here is his May Newsletter:

Let's do a pop culture test to see how old you are, K? Here goes: CD longboxes

If you're confused, you’re probably 28 or younger. If not, you may have a grin spreading across your face and find yourself saying, "I remember those!"

If you're post Generation X, here's the story. Pre 1993 or so, compact discs used to come in a thin, cardboard box which measured about twice the size of the plastic jewel case within. Wasteful? Clumsy? Awkward? Yes. (But doesn't that pretty much sum up the 90's anyway?) The whole point of this strange packaging was to deter teenagers from getting the five finger discount on music. As antiquated as these are, no one has probably seen one since the early 90's… unless you look in my basement.

If you haven't heard, I've recently relocated to Florida (check Engel's Ensights to see why, but I'll give you a hint: old, new, borrowed, blue). The worst part of moving, for me, is the shame that envelops me when I see just how much crap has accumulated since moving in. And believe me – most of it is just that – crap.

A never used Cardioglide machine. Scores of computer cables that have never been hooked up. Every souvenir carrying case from every conference I've ever attended. More kitchenware than Wolfgang Puck could ever use. Oh, and don't forget the bathroom closets! If the surgeon general would quarantine me for any reason, my hair will be clean and shiny because of the five 32 oz. bottles of Pantene! And, in my quarantined state, I can fondle my CD longboxes. And my bouncy hair. And remember the 90's!

Thus, the question is raised… what am I doing with all this crap?

The answer? When I get real and painfully honest with myself, it's safety. Yes, safety.

I can hear you asking – how in the world do half a dozen unopened toothpaste tubes make me feel safe? Well, my emotional thought process seems to go something like this:

I'm not real good behind the wheel. If I run out of Crest and can't get to a store, it's okay - I have a spare. And another. And another. And three more besides that.

And the rest of the stuff from the sub-terrainian landfill? Somewhere in my psyche, it once made sense to think the stuff I horded was valuable. If I were to ever become disabled (har har) and unable to work, I could sell this junk on EBay and still have an income stream.

Am I crazy? Potentially, yes. I mean, not crazy like having more cats than bedrooms sorta crazy, but yeah, admittedly I've had a less than healthy tendency to horde. Now I know why – safety.

If you get real and painfully honest with yourself, you'll probably find a few of these safety quirks, too. Maybe not keeping 30 sets of old clothes around just in case you paint the bathroom someday, but maybe holding onto too many mementos of the past. After all, how many photo albums of the Grand Canyon does one need when there are postcards, the net and the Travel Channel?

Or, maybe you're the person who lived without a cell phone for 30 years, but now has a seizure when you realize the electronic leash isn't in your purse.

Or maybe you're the one who carries eight different credit cards "just in case".

Or maybe you still have fresh anger – from a long ago hurt that somehow makes you feel valuable – and safe because if you're angry already – who can hurt you?

All of these are manifestations of a need to feel safe.

As I uncovered the CD longboxes, I flirted with the idea of keeping them for the sake of posterity… then tossed them into the Hefty bag. I took time to face this useless tendency, mulled it over, got honest and, ultimately, decided the only way to grow is to get uncomfortable. Get vulnerable. Let the worst happen, adapt and, with more than a hint of embarrassment, realize all those feelings of worry and uncertainty were useless.

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"I wish I could write a book". I cannot recall how often people say that to me upon hearing that I have written three books. My sage advice is "just start", however they have the usual excuses, no agent, no advance (my favourite excuse) no time, not good at English, bad grammar, waiting until they retire.

I don’t think writing a book is a big deal, it is not proof of intelligence, a valid point of view or appeal, it is however a lot of work. Thomas Edison once said "Most people miss opportunity because when it appears, it is dressed in workmen's overalls and look like hard work".

When I write I outline the points I want to make and then set about putting it onto paper, and often my train of thoughts goes off on a tangent and I find myself developing a theme I had not explored before. The next day when I review what I wrote the day before I have on more than one occasion scratched my head with a look of severe puzzlement on my face thinking to myself "What the heck is that all about?"

The keyboard is where you type, not where you create. The thinking and logic has to be in place, the keyboard is the tool for getting it all down. Just as a car will only take you where you direct it through your actions and preplannng, so too, the keyboard is just a tool.

The same is true for meetings, sales calls presentations and other areas where we connect to others and seek to influence. The preparation is the secret.

I am a keen wannabe chef, I have worked in kitchens and often entertain at home. When I worked in restaurants, started as a pot cleaner and years later was 'acting' head chef when the real chef was off. I was taught the two golden rules of cooking. Use the best ingredients you can afford, and prepare everything before you start to cook. How often have you been half way through cooking something when you discover an ingredient which you have not got, or you misread from the book?

So for those who tell me "I wish I could write a book, cook a five course meal for ten people, speak in public, or any other of a multitude of desires". I will no longer say just start (because without proper preparation, they will quickly get dismayed and give up), I will now say "prepare all you will need, then start".

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